Yea, I cut my hair
I was in the kitchen with Juniper while she was playing in the kitchen sink. It was an everyday moment. We were jabbering on about something. Who knows what it was. It was a typical awesome toddler conversation. I noticed I was greasy. I knew I had to wash my hair. It had been a couple days. I knew I had to get my hair cut. It had been a couple months. There is only a certain level of logistics I can handle before I sorta crack into taking action to alleviate draining money and time on something I don’t want to maintain. In this case, I didn’t want to wash my hair. I also didn’t want to set up an appointment, burn PTO from my job, and pay money to have my hair cut. So, I picked up a pair of kitchen scissors, gathered my hair in the back, and cut off my pony tail while my daughter looked on.
I didn’t make a big deal of it. I didn’t ask her to watch me as if I was a cartoon character. I just made a decision while we were going about our business. She looked on with interest as I placed my pony tail in the compost bin. She asked me, “Why did you cut your hair, daddy?”
“Well, I just wanted to cut my hair, Juju,” I replied to her. “I don’t want to wash my hair or get my hair cut,” I continued. She looked at me in the sorta bemused way that toddlers will look at you when they are trying to process something. While she looked on, I turned on my clippers and started to shave my head.
I felt like I was in a parody of one of those action movie scenes where someone dramatically altering my appearance to be able to evade detection. Just imagine the scene I just described occurring in a film called “HAIR OFF,” a riff on the classic b-film Face Off featuring John Travolta and Nicholas Cage, where I actively cut my hair off to confuse all the parents at Saturday AM gymnastics into thinking I disappeared. I wouldn’t mind other parents just leaving me be. I am not really a big “we both have kids, let’s talk” parent. I am the “I’m in an unhinged, imaginary playland with my child” parent. I end up being the pied piper for all the other kids regardless of what I look like.
Juniper and I had to finish up our nightly routine of lotions; hair brushing; jammies; sleep sack; hair and teeth brushing; story; and lullaby, so I paused my clippin’ for a bit. Once Juniper was down, Lily helped me clean up the back and I shaved as well. For the first time in four years I was completely free of hair. It felt nice to not have to shave or schedule an appointment for a haircut.
The next morning I woke and Juniper came into the bedroom. She looked at me and started manically laughing at me. Obviously, Lily and I asked her what was so funny. In between bouts of uncontrollable laughter, she said, “daddy’s face!” Ahh, the joys of being trolled by your child. Me in response:
In true “reality is absurd” fashion, the hits kept coming. I repeatedly was subjected to people acknowledging that I cut my hair and beard but did not note anything else. For example, I am on a staff meeting zoom call and my co-worker and the director of my office both state, “You Shaved!” and “you look so different.” I literally waved my hand and did not say a word. Its generally rude to point out a change in someone’s appearance if you are not going to say something nice. Like GTFOH with that garbage. The message was sent. The humans stopped making a mountain out of a small difference in my personal appearance. I think at this point I have entered into a knee-jerk word vomit roughly 55 times in three days to adults who want to summon an explanation for why I decided to change my appearance.
I came here to explain why I cut my hair, but now, I am second-guessing it. That word vomiting at the behest of a social body that cannot understand taking drastic measures to change one’s appearance is exhausting. I suppose if I wasn’t trying to run this essay series, take photographs of things that interest me, keep up with weaving commission work, launch two stickers, work full time, be a parent and a partner that I would have move space. But, I don’t and I resent that folx can’t just say, “hey, I like your haircut and shave.” It’s truly that simple.
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